FICTITIOUS SPORTS
songteksten

Can't Get My Motor To Start (Bley)

Can't get my motor to start

Can't get my motor to start

Can't get my motor to start

Can't get my motor to start

Can't you get it to go?

Is your battery low?

No, I don't think so

Try pullin out on the choke

Try lookin' under the hood

Try pullin out on the choke

Try lookin' under the hood

Lookin under the hood

Never did any good

The choke must be broke

Try beatin' down with your feet

looks like she's startin' to crank

Let's take the gasoline out

Try puttin' beer in the tank

Bring the beer over here

'Cause I need it to steer

Try pullin out all the wires

Try stuffin' cheese in the cracks

Try dynamitin' the tank

Smash all the glass with an ax

Do you have any grease?

Pour it over the seats

What did you do to my car?

What did you do to my car?

What did you do to my car?

What did you do to my car?

Well we took it apart

But we can't make it start

We wanna go for a ride

Let's push it over the hill

We wanna go for a ride

Let's push it over the hill

Better not gt inside

'Cause she's startin' to slide

I Was Wrong (Bley)

Well I used to think this talk of spaceships

Was just so much hype

I really believed there was nothing out there

Except the Stars and the Stripes

I mean the scientists said they found out that

There was nothing there on Mars

So as far as I was concerned it was just

The name of a candy bar

I'm one of those kind of people

Who need proof before they believe

Close Encounters left me cold

And Star Trek seemed naive

When it came to UFO's

I was of the scientific school

Little green men with pointed heads

Were for little kids and fools

But I was wrong

I was wrong

I was real wrong

I was wrong

All along

I was so wrong

The people who believed that stuff

Were always kind of odd

I mean you might as well go all the way

And believe in Jesus and God

I knew I had the kind of mind

That wasn't easily satisfied

And besides I had enough problems on earth

To keep me occupied

And then one night I was standing

Looking at the stars

And I heard something that sounded like

A hundred space guitars

The music was so weird it could have

been the theme from Jaws

Then I saw something flying over my head

I thought it was Santa Claus

But I was wrong

I was wrong

I was real wrong

I was wrong

All along

I was so wrong

Siam (Bley)

Here's another song about a place near Hong Kong

They got lots of opium and Lapsang Southong

Siam, Siam

All the fancy pussycats come from this area

Also got a lot of animals that scare ya

Siam, Siam

Python legs are poached in slimy toad saliva

After eating that I'm lucky I'm aliva

I am, yes I am

Ask the King if you can stay to sample cuisine

Maybe he will even let you dine with the Queen

Siam, Siam

Nicest little place i live in since Budapest

If you think that I'm in love, you're right, I confess

I am, I am, yes I am, with Siam

I am, I am, yes I am, with Siam

Hot River (Bley)

Do you long to cavort?

Here's a new water sport

That you ought to try

It's a Fahrenheit dream

Hot and covered with steam

You won't be bored

Do you want to get wet?

Are you starting to sweat?

Slip over the side

Now we're caught in a swell

Here's where Heaven and Hell

Start to collide

It's slippery and slimy

Reach over here and tie me

I'm so warm I can hardly move

Mother never told me

I'd need someone to hold me

But where I'm from the rivers are all cold

It's a fisherman's dream

Dinner's already steamed

And ready to eat

When you feel your resolve

Is about to dissolve

Then stop for a treat

In a river of steam

Nothing seems too obscene

So let down your hair

While you drift through a trough

Slip your bathing suit off

And really get clean

You can do your laundry

While your thoughts are wandering

And you watch the passing swimmer's poach

You don't need no Sterno

In Dante's Inferno

It's thermohydriatically controlled

You can't stay in too long

'Cause the heat is too strong

You're starting to slide

Grab ahold of the rope

Throw your soap in the boat

Climb over the side

We can come back for more

When we start to get bored

There's nothing as wild

As a Hot River swim

On the volcanic rim

Boo To You Too (Bley)

Just when we was startin' to play

Someone yelled out take 'em away

Then we heard 'em startin' to boo

What did you do?  What did you do?

I reacted intelligently

Here's my method, try it and see

When somebody's runnin' you down

You got to turn it around, turn it around

So when they boo at me you know what I do?

I tell 'em boo to you too, boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

I don't take it personally

When somebody's booin' at me

Makes no difference if the music is fine

I never pay it no mind, pay it no mind

When you're tryin' something that's new

You'll have people booin' at you

When we hear 'em startin' to boo

What do we do?  What do we do?

Well when they boo at us you know what we do?

We tell 'em boo to you too, boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

Keep your chin up, play what you feel

Music's always grand if it's real

Even if they're cruel to you

You got to do what you do, do what you do

When they're ready to tear you apart

Use your noodle adn try to be smart

Don't just stand there takin' abuse

You got to put it to use, put it to use

You make 'em boo on cue, they say boo

And you say boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

You make 'em boo on cue, they say boo

And you say boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

Boo to you too, boo to you too

Do Ya? (Bley)

I try

God knows I try

It seems very clear to me, that I try

But it's not clear to you, that I do

You don't know what I mean, do ya?

You don't know what I mean

I mean

I mean I try

God knows that I mean to try

I mean it seems so very clear to me, that I'm trying

But it's not clear to you, what I'm trying to do

You don't know what I mean, do ya?

You don't know what I mean

You're not trying

God knows you probably mean to try

I mean sometimes it even seems clear to me

I mean sometimes it even seems clear to me that you're trying to try

Is that clear?  Do you know what I mean, what I'm trying to say

You don't know what I mean, do ya?

TYou don't know what I mean

God knows I try

Wervin' (Bley)

Wervin', we're Wervin'

Do you need a doctor?

Swervin' and curvin'

Are you pocket trained?

Do you like to Werve?

Do you have the nerve?

Do you need a doctor

when you start to swerve?

Are you pocket trained

Goin' 'round a curve?

Can you Werve?

Wervin', we're Wervin'

Do you save the coupons?

Swervin' and curvin'

Can I borrow your suit?

Can you Werve like a bird

Or do you find it absurd?

Did you come prepurd?

Can I borrow your suit?

Do you find it unnervin'

Or pleasantly disturbin'

Can you Werve?

Wervin', we're Wervin'

Do you have your 'chute?

Swervin' and curvin'

Does your mother know?

Do you worry when you Werve?

Are you scared when you swerve?

Do you get what you deserve

When you go around a curve?

I can see your house

Have you lost your nerve?

Can you Werve?

Werve

Werve

Werve

I'm A Mineralist (Bley)

Here's a shocking revelation for you voyeurs

Such a heinous deviation, these are no clues

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist

Just the thought of ironing gives me spasms of lust

I creep up to old wrecked cars and lick off the rust

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist

Mother used to try to metal in my affairs

Keep your nose up off that grindstone, people will stare

Get the lead out of your pants and change your underwear

I've been stealing baby bottles since I was born

I'll go blind from balling bearings, doctors have warned

I like making out with steel-rimmed glasses more than horned

Erik Satie gets my rocks off, Cage is a dream

Phillip Glass is a Mineralist to the extreme

I like tickling ivories and fingering stones

When my mercury goes up I play with my bone

Peole take for granite my perversion is wrong

I'm not harming anyone by beating my gong

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist

I'll make love to minerals as long as I can

And in fifty years I'll be a jaded old man

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist

I'm a Mineralist, I'm a Mineralist